How emotions change reality

I just spent an hour or so watching videos from China.

Funny how my memories don't really jive with what I am seeing in the videos.

I don't remember sitting on the floor the afternoon after Gotcha and playing stacking cups with Grace. I don't remember her blank stare... and the tears in her eyes. I don't remember her wimper. And the absolute look of sadness, grief and fear on her face.

Perhaps I blocked it all out. Perhaps I was in such a state of happiness I didn't notice her emotions. Perhaps she has changed so much I have just forgotten. I don't know.

But now I have seen it. Oh boy... have I seen it.

I am grateful that I have this video. For her. For me. For all of us.

I want to reassure you... today, we are SO FAR from this video that was captured less than three weeks ago. I'll post a video of her now SOON!

Additionally, I finally brought myself to watching the video from the orphanage visit. Strangely... it wasn't nearly as bad as my memory of it recalls.

Besides the the screams of babies crying... I thought I remembered it being eerily quiet. Truth is... there was only one baby crying. Not several. And there was classical music playing in the background! The nanny was smiling and was happy to see Grace! She really was. Why I didn't see it the first time I'll never know. However, Grace's non-existent reaction was exactly what I remember.

So, these videos have brought me back... and helped me to remember the reality of the situation we lived through. Right now, strangely, it all seems like such a distant memory, even though it was less than three short weeks ago that we met Grace for the first time. And just one week since we have all been together as a family of six.