Little busy

Hard to believe that in three weeks we will be in Zhengzhou.

In three weeks, we will be just one day from meeting our beautiful daughter.

In three weeks, our daughter will be an orphan just one more day.

Between now and then...

We've got a little packing to do.

And a whole lot of planning for childcare for B, K and D!

For the 16 days that we are away we are testing the "it takes a village" philosophy.

Primary caregivers will be my parents who will stay at our house with the kids on the weekdays. On the weekends, the kids will stay with my in-laws.

I have friends that are helping out mid-week to give my parents a break. I have friends providing after-school childcare and friends doing pick-up and drop-offs. I have friends that have volunteered to make sure our driveway gets cleared if it snows. I have friends that are allowing us to use a spot in their driveway to park S's car... so there is room in my driveway for other cars. And the list goes on and on... We are feeling so blessed to have so many supportive friends and family without whom this would all be impossible.

I have contact lists to make for schools. And asthma treatment instructions to make. I have doctor's appointment to make. And doctor's appointment to cancel.

OH and I have to go to work. And Steve has to work TWO jobs.

Meanwhile, life goes on for the three kiddos.... cub scouts, daisies, basketball, birthday parties and school projects.

Needless to say... it's a little busy.

But, so amazingly good.

Dates!

I've got so much to update on here... like all about my super fabulous baby shower that my friends and family had for me (and Grace) on Saturday!!! And pictures of all kinds of cute girlie girl stuff. But, I just haven't had time yet...

So, for now, a quick update...

We have a consulate appointment - February 28th.

We will be leaving on February 16th and will arrive in Beijing the afternoon of February 17th. We will be coming home on March 4th.

Still to be determined is when we will meet Grace. I believe it will be Monday, February 21st, but that's not definite yet.

OK. I'm off to tackle my list of one hundred things to do today on my day off.

It's busy... but it's SO GOOD!!

TWO LETTERS!!!

We were given two options for possible travel dates... on or about February 16th or on or about February 23rd. We will wait to hear from our agency to confirm our consulate appointment and then be able to book our travel.

Yes... that could be as little as three weeks and two days away!

WAHOO!!!!!

WE ARE COMING GRACE!!!!!

No TA yet

I've got nothing to say...

Except this really stinks.

That would be an understatement.

I keep trying to look at the bright side but I can't seem to find anything bright about it.

Rumor has it that the Consulate Appointments in Guangzhou are all filled up for February. So, if even if we got our TA today, we will have to have a March consulate appointment. Which means LATE February travel.

That really stinks.

That is also an understatment.

The weekday routine that I'd like to see change

Starting at about 11 am every day, and then every minute that goes by thereafter, my stomach knots up just a bit more. As the day passes, I get to the point of not being able to eat and feeling rather pukey.

And if you can't tell by the chubby pictures of me... not being able to eat, isn't something that happens often.

I check my email every 5 minutes. all. afternoon. long. If my phone buzzes at me that I have a new email... my heart skips a beat. I rush over to check and then I swear at the person that dare send an email at 4:30. I mean don't they know what I'm going through here? ... how dare they tease me. :)

At about 6:30, I give up hope. The queasiness in my stomach turns to a lump in my throat and a feeling of sadness overcomes... and then I go eat some chocolate.

My stomach says... "now that's more like it!"

I go to bed, praying tomorrow will be the day.

I know this routine well now because it has happened every weekday for the past 6.

And I have to admit, it's getting rather old.

Come on Monday, let's break the cycle. TA today?!?! Please?!?!

Shovel while you wait

Nothing Monday. Nothing Tuesday. Nothing Wednesday.

Tomorrow will be 14 days since our Article 5.

Really China... you can send our TA anytime now.

Because I am beginning to think I might not survive this wait.

At least today I was distracted for SIX hours as we shoveled. and shoveled. and shoveled. and then shoveled some more... the almost two feet of snow we got here today.

Wow. This was a snow storm. I've lived in New England my whole life and I have never seen so much snow. We have nine foot snow piles that line our driveway. Crazy.

The kids were happy. Although D really couldn't even walk in it, neither could K.

Climbing the snow piles was the order of the day. And they are pretty amazing snow piles. These pictures really don't seem to do it justice. This snow storm will be one that our kids will remember and say "I remember when it used to snow so much it was up to our waist".... because it REALLY was up to their waist. Actually, in D's case, it was up to his shoulders.

We're buried in, in New England!

When does it become reality - continued...

... from here.

When you buy a size 12 month purple polka dot coat.

When you paint a room pink.

When you buy a jumbo box of size 3 DIAPERS.

When you clip coupons for gerber graduates.

We you paint a room pink.

When you say "we're going to China next month"...

NEXT MONTH!

When little girls' clothes hang in the closet waiting to be worn.

When you see her face.

Waiting for Monday... again

I'm disappointed. Because I was HOPING. But I shouldn't have been.

It's only been 8 days since our Article 5. Average wait for Travel Authorization is about 20 days. So I really shouldn't have been hoping something would come today.

But, when you've come this far... and you are so darn close... you just can't help it.

So, here we are again... waiting for Monday. Because travel authorizations don't come on the weekends.

BUT, they DO come on Mondays!

It's going to be a LONG weekend.

PS. oh... there's no guarantee it will come Monday either. But, here's hoping!

Preparing

When we started this journey (officially) 10 months ago.... every night I would watch "Gotcha Day" videos on YouTube. I have watched countless videos of children meeting their parents for the first time.

As we get closer and closer to our very own Gotcha Day, I have stopped watching anything related to anyone's Gotcha Day. They are just TOO PAINFUL to watch. I can't help but see our G in the videos... and I see pain. And fear. And heartbreak.

And it hurts to watch.

We can't wait to see our little girl's face in person. We can't wait to scoop her up and hold her. To see our family grow in just an instant. To call her our own. To wrap in her love... love she has never known, the love of a mother and a father.

The feelings of joy and happiness that S and I feel will not be shared by our daughter. She is probably pretty happy right where she is. She probably likes her crib. Her room. Her nannies. Her friends. Her food. And while every child deserves so much more than growing up in an orphanage. It is the ONLY life she has ever known.

Then, here come these two Americans. They look funny, talk funny and smell funny.

It's painful to think about how afraid, confused and heartbroken she will likely be. Even if she is prepared at all, she is really too young to understand.

I've had dreams about Gotcha Day. I've seen her face through a window as we enter a government building. I have heard the facilitators say her name. I have have seen her handed to me. In every dream she is crying. And so am I. She looks away. She screams. She reaches for her nanny. And I cry. Because she hurts so much.

A mother doesn't EVER want her child feeling ANY of these feelings. While there may be many tears of joy, I am sure I am going to share tears of heartbreak with her.

How does one handle such a crazy convergence of emotions?

I'm thinking I might just want to hand her back.... because it will ease her pain for the moment. I know. I KNOW that sounds crazy! But, what a mother wouldn't do to ease their child's pain even if just for a moment.

I'm not sure how to even prepare for this. I can prepare to have a baby again. Packing diapers and bottles, toys and treats. I can be prepared for illness. I can be prepared for sleepless nights and changing stinky diapers.

All of that is easy.

I cannot seem to figure out how to be prepared for heartbreak.

I pray God will see us through. He has led us this far. He has moved mountains for G to become a part of our family. So, I must trust in Him. I pray that God helps to prepare our little G for the two (actually five) strangers that will come into her life and turn it upside down. I also pray that He will prepare this mother to help her daughter heal from the pain that IS adoption. On Gotcha Day. During our two weeks in China. The first few weeks home. And on ALL the days in our future.