By Day and By Night

So far, since she has been home, Grace has experienced about three full out night terrors.

And I mean TERROR.

I’ve spoken with many Moms, of both biological children and of adopted children. All kids seem to have them. My bios never did, but I know many that have.

But, I also know that they happen with more regularity in children that have been adopted.

By day, Grace seems to be doing SO well. We are so grateful that her adjustment has gone so well.... so far.

By day, that is.

By night, when these terrors occur, she is absolutely and completed TERRIFIED.

Of what? We will never know.

There is NOTHING like that kind of scream.

And. It. Is.

HEARTBREAKING.

As you try to console the inconsolable you start thinking about all the things that might being going on in that brain of hers. And more importantly, what is going on in her heart.

Then you start questioning your parenting decisions.

Time out?

Daycare/family care?

Working?

Consistency?

What have we done wrong, what have we done right?

You name it.

Last night for a ½ hour when my daughter absolutely could not be comforted…. I thought of it all.

I don’t know if we have it all right. Actually I KNOW we don’t have it all right. But, we are doing the very best we can. With as much information, resources and support we can.

I guess I must take comfort in that.

But, regardless, that doesn't take away the ripping pain through MY heart as she screams.

I continue to pray for her healing heart. I suppose I will pray that prayer all my life.

and tonight, specifically, I pray for my Gracie to have nothing but the sweetest of dreams.