Saturday, January 5, 2013

Can't think of a title

I've had several moments over the last couple weeks that I have tried hard to remember what life was like with three kids... without our Miss Spunky Pants around. 

I cannot remember.

I remember sitting in Starbucks talking to our dear friends about adoption... all the fears, realities and joy that it could be. 

I remember hiding in the basement talking to adoption agency representatives about the different options available to us, long before Steve really agreed to it.  :)  

and I remember us making that decision to move forward with the adoption.

I remember the months of worry. 

I remember the pain of having her there, and us here for FIVE LONG MONTHS. 

But, I don't actually remember our house with only three kids. 

It's been almost two years since we traveled to China.   There are parts of that trip that I remember with all the details like I lived it yesterday... and parts that are fading quickly from my memory.   Sadly.

Grace is beginning to talk about China...  just repeating the things we have said to her.  On Christmas she told a family friend "Mama, Dada and Grace went to China", and she often recalls that "Dada tickle my neck in China" (which is a "memory" from a picture that hangs in her bedroom).

We have also pulled out of her closet the clear plastic bags that have her clothes from the day we met her.  She looks with much interest... and then looks at the picture of her, me and Steve on Gotcha Day (our very first moments together).   One evening she looked up at the picture from Gotcha Day and said "Grace sad" and "Grace not like that picture".  

I have no idea if she has memories from that day, I suppose it's possible.   But, either way... she looks at the picture and knows she was sad.  I'm torn as to whether to keep that picture up or take it down. 

I know questions are going to start come soon.  and I'm just not ready to answer them.


  1. I vote for keep the picture up - what is mentionable is then manageable no matter how hard.

    Lily has been telling her animals her story lately - "I was born in china...."

    miss you all!

  2. While I didn't sit in the basement. My story is similar except that I am still in the process waiting for our dossier to get completed. I will have to keep reading to find our how it all works out for you guys when she does start asking questions.

  3. oh boy, I feel the same way everytime Tahlia looks at her adoption video and photo album. We try and verbalize the photo by saying that you missed your nannies and it was hard to say good bye.....(ugh, its SO hard to see those sad tears)
    I love that pic of her and daddy!!!