Can't think of a title

I've had several moments over the last couple weeks that I have tried hard to remember what life was like with three kids... without our Miss Spunky Pants around. 

I cannot remember.

I remember sitting in Starbucks talking to our dear friends about adoption... all the fears, realities and joy that it could be. 

I remember hiding in the basement talking to adoption agency representatives about the different options available to us, long before Steve really agreed to it.  :)  

and I remember us making that decision to move forward with the adoption.

I remember the months of worry. 

I remember the pain of having her there, and us here for FIVE LONG MONTHS. 

But, I don't actually remember our house with only three kids. 

It's been almost two years since we traveled to China.   There are parts of that trip that I remember with all the details like I lived it yesterday... and parts that are fading quickly from my memory.   Sadly.

Grace is beginning to talk about China...  just repeating the things we have said to her.  On Christmas she told a family friend "Mama, Dada and Grace went to China", and she often recalls that "Dada tickle my neck in China" (which is a "memory" from a picture that hangs in her bedroom).

We have also pulled out of her closet the clear plastic bags that have her clothes from the day we met her.  She looks with much interest... and then looks at the picture of her, me and Steve on Gotcha Day (our very first moments together).   One evening she looked up at the picture from Gotcha Day and said "Grace sad" and "Grace not like that picture".  

I have no idea if she has memories from that day, I suppose it's possible.   But, either way... she looks at the picture and knows she was sad.  I'm torn as to whether to keep that picture up or take it down. 


I know questions are going to start come soon.  and I'm just not ready to answer them.