When does it become reality - continued...

... from here.

When you buy a size 12 month purple polka dot coat.

When you paint a room pink.

When you buy a jumbo box of size 3 DIAPERS.

When you clip coupons for gerber graduates.

We you paint a room pink.

When you say "we're going to China next month"...

NEXT MONTH!

When little girls' clothes hang in the closet waiting to be worn.

When you see her face.

Waiting for Monday... again

I'm disappointed. Because I was HOPING. But I shouldn't have been.

It's only been 8 days since our Article 5. Average wait for Travel Authorization is about 20 days. So I really shouldn't have been hoping something would come today.

But, when you've come this far... and you are so darn close... you just can't help it.

So, here we are again... waiting for Monday. Because travel authorizations don't come on the weekends.

BUT, they DO come on Mondays!

It's going to be a LONG weekend.

PS. oh... there's no guarantee it will come Monday either. But, here's hoping!

Preparing

When we started this journey (officially) 10 months ago.... every night I would watch "Gotcha Day" videos on YouTube. I have watched countless videos of children meeting their parents for the first time.

As we get closer and closer to our very own Gotcha Day, I have stopped watching anything related to anyone's Gotcha Day. They are just TOO PAINFUL to watch. I can't help but see our G in the videos... and I see pain. And fear. And heartbreak.

And it hurts to watch.

We can't wait to see our little girl's face in person. We can't wait to scoop her up and hold her. To see our family grow in just an instant. To call her our own. To wrap in her love... love she has never known, the love of a mother and a father.

The feelings of joy and happiness that S and I feel will not be shared by our daughter. She is probably pretty happy right where she is. She probably likes her crib. Her room. Her nannies. Her friends. Her food. And while every child deserves so much more than growing up in an orphanage. It is the ONLY life she has ever known.

Then, here come these two Americans. They look funny, talk funny and smell funny.

It's painful to think about how afraid, confused and heartbroken she will likely be. Even if she is prepared at all, she is really too young to understand.

I've had dreams about Gotcha Day. I've seen her face through a window as we enter a government building. I have heard the facilitators say her name. I have have seen her handed to me. In every dream she is crying. And so am I. She looks away. She screams. She reaches for her nanny. And I cry. Because she hurts so much.

A mother doesn't EVER want her child feeling ANY of these feelings. While there may be many tears of joy, I am sure I am going to share tears of heartbreak with her.

How does one handle such a crazy convergence of emotions?

I'm thinking I might just want to hand her back.... because it will ease her pain for the moment. I know. I KNOW that sounds crazy! But, what a mother wouldn't do to ease their child's pain even if just for a moment.

I'm not sure how to even prepare for this. I can prepare to have a baby again. Packing diapers and bottles, toys and treats. I can be prepared for illness. I can be prepared for sleepless nights and changing stinky diapers.

All of that is easy.

I cannot seem to figure out how to be prepared for heartbreak.

I pray God will see us through. He has led us this far. He has moved mountains for G to become a part of our family. So, I must trust in Him. I pray that God helps to prepare our little G for the two (actually five) strangers that will come into her life and turn it upside down. I also pray that He will prepare this mother to help her daughter heal from the pain that IS adoption. On Gotcha Day. During our two weeks in China. The first few weeks home. And on ALL the days in our future.

Article 5!!

Don't ask me what Article 5 actually is. Because I don't know.

I do know, it is the LAST piece of paper that needs to be processed by the US government.

I do know, it the last piece of paper the Chinese government needs before they issue travel authorization.

I do know that means we have...

ONE.

LAST.

WAIT.

then... Travel Authorization.

We should have our TA in our hands in 2-4 weeks. Which means we are on schedule to travel right after Chinese New Year. Even if we get the TA in 2 weeks (or less), for various reasons, we will have to wait until after Chinese New Year to travel.

So, we expect that we will travel mid-February. Hopefully we don't have any bumps in the road between now and then.

Almost there!

Four fast years

Hard to believe that our little D (and I do mean little) turned 4 yesterday.

FOUR!

He's might be small in size. But, he's got a huge heart and even bigger smile.

He makes us laugh every day. Many, many times a day. He is such a funny little guy with a great sense of humor.

This year, I'll admit... he has tested our patience. And our parenting skills. As sweet as he is... when he is hungry or tired, he loses himself completely. This boy has thrown more temper tantrums that the other two combined multiplied by 3. There were days in his early threes, that he would throw himself on the floor screaming MULTIPLE times a day. I'm thankful that it seems we have survived this stage.

He's growing up. And he is so darn sweet.

Balloons greeted him when he woke up. Balloons on his bedroom floor, balloons decorating his bedroom door and even a balloon on a box of Fruit Loops for breakfast. Yes, Fruit Loops. It was his birthday and all.

In our house, when it's your birthday you get to choose your favorite meal for dinner. So, for dinner...

Chicken nuggets, french fries, milk and ketchup. :)

I know you all wish you came to our house for dinner last night!

We were all hoping he would ask for the homemade chocolate cake for dessert.

No such luck. He wanted funfetti white cake from the box, with chocolate frosting from the can. With some sprinkles. And his name written on the cake.

So, that's what we had.

A sleeping bag. An etch-a-stetch. And some bath crayons = Happy 4 year old.

Grandma and Grandpa came for the party. They added a boat for the bathtub he has been asking for.

and a TRAMPOLINE! Just the thing to expend a little four year old energy.

Happy Four D!

We love you!

What's wrong with these pictures?

Oh my. So cute.

I love this little guy.

More on his BIG DAY later.

Mom is so cool

Update on sledding: The untold story.

The kids weren't satisfied with the little hill in our backyard. They begged to be taken to the "BIG HILL" down the street.

So, the three kids and I, looking a bit like Michelin men, packed up our sleds and drove to the "BIG HILL".

As anyone who has ever gone sledding knows, the worst part of sledding... Not the bitter cold. The howling wind. The snow in the mittens. And face.

The worst part of sledding... is the walk back up the hill. Over and over again.

My little D can't do it alone, he needs a hand to hold so he doesn't fall face first in the snow 8 million times. So, each time D went down the hill, I had to go too.

One time, K and D went together on the double sled. I took the tube and headed down behind them. Cause, you know, D can't climb back up the hill alone.

Tubes don't steer very well. As all (let's say 110 for fun)... As all 110 lbs of me came barreling down the hill, I realized I was about to take out both of my younger children waiting for me at the bottom. Because Mom's would do anything to save their children from a snow tube disaster and probable death, I stuck my arm/hand in the snow in an attempt to stop me and the tube from crashing into my two littles waiting at the bottom.

I jammed my arm/hand into the ground, made a fantastic 360 degree flip in the air and landed, with much grace, on my backside.

I am sure Shaun White would have been impressed.

OUCH.

B's reaction...

"Mom that was SO COOL!!!! You totally WIPED OUT and FLIPPED OVER!"

Yeah. I did. I'm cool like that.

Now, can I have some ice for my swollen wrist... and perhaps some tylenol too?

Almost a White Christmas

Nothing like getting snowed in the day after Christmas!

With the wind still howling this morning and about 8 inches of fresh powder blanketing our yard... we bundled up and headed outside for some sledding!

Triple decker sandwich...

Daddy's turn for ride up the hill...

or not...

Happy kids. Happy parents.

Well, for the most part... Maybe it's time to go inside.

Christmas Joy!

Merry Christmas! Hope you all had a magical and joyous Christmas!

Nothing more joyful that celebrating Christmas with an 8 year old, a 6 year old and 3 year old. Well, I guess it could have been a little more joyful if there was a certain 1 year old with us but there is no use dwelling on that.

Here we are Christmas Eve, all dressed up and headed to our church's Christmas Eve children's service where K was part of a choir of children that sang Silent Night in Spanish. :) Then off to my cousin's house to celebrate with my extended family.

Late night and up then up EARLY Christmas morning. B was the first to sneak into the living room at 6:30.

Few M & M's for breakfast?

Hmmm.... what's this???

Whatever it is, B looks pretty excited...

Yes, we have made it into the 21st century with our family's first game system... and one of our kids is just a little bit happy.

A morning of hot chocolate, cinnamon rolls, presents and fun and then we went to S's Mom's house for dinner.

What a wonderful joyous day celebrating the birth of our Savior!

Merry Christmas!

Six!

Happy Birthday to our sweet six year old. She is a beauty this one... inside and out.

We love you K!

Pictures of chubby sweetness

We received an early Christmas present.... New pictures!

Don't you just want to plant some kisses on those cheeks?!

Look at her crawl...

and her little grin!

Her chubby cheeks give this away... but according to the new measurements we received she seems to growing really well.

Because S and I like to torture ourselves, this Christmas season we've been listening to this song a lot. It expresses how we feel...

Sigh.

"It's Christmas time again but you're not home. Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone. And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms and tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas"

8 weeks until travel?! Maybe?! Hopefully!

One Chinese Princess... with blond hair

My brother and sister-in-law were here this weekend for Christmas (a little early). My sister-in-law has a knack for buying the best gifts.

Look what one little princess got for Christmas.

Love.

And... there is a matching dress and shoes for a littler princess.

We learning English too

Yesterday, S read my blog post about the puzzle pieces and gently told me I had added wrong. I wrote that 610 puzzle pieces were sponsored and there were 490 still left. OOPS... I meant 390. 390+610=1000. Right? I edited the post so it's correct now.

Then a little while later one of my good friends, who happens to be an English teacher, sent me an email that had me laughing at myself all morning. Check out the "Learn Chinese" thing over on the right side of the blog. Notice anything funny?

"Learn Chinese - WE trying"

Apparently, We trying to learn English too.

I think I'm going to leave that one for a while.... because it just makes me laugh. And I think it's good for you to laugh at yourself every once in a while.

Please forgive my typos, grammatical errors and silly mistakes on this blog. I am, admittedly, the WORST proof-reader ever.

Puzzle Fundraiser - Update

It's been a while since I posted about our puzzle fundraiser.

So, as an update and a reminder...

We are up to 610 puzzle pieces sponsored. YAHOO!!!!

Thank you to every single person that has generously sponsored 2, 10, 20, 50 or more puzzle pieces. WOW! We are so very, very grateful!

If you haven't sponsored a piece of the puzzle or you don't have any idea what I am talking about... go read this post for more information. We've got 390 puzzle pieces left to be sponsored. I'm hoping that by the time we receive our Travel Authorization we will make our goal.

Thank you everyone so much for your support!