Hard. Very, Very Hard.

***Warning: Keeping it real***

This is not going to be easy.

Christmas without Grace.

NOT going to be easy.

"Why so glum this Christmas D"?

Because...

Some say…some orphanages in China don’t have heat.

Some say…. that sometimes because there aren’t enough nannies to keep climbing toddlers safe…they tether children to their cribs.

Some say...did I say this already, some orphanages don’t have heat.

I'm sorry to be a downer… but I have to be honest here....

Christmas, while one of my girls waits in China perhaps under circumstances described above…

NOT going to be easy.

Please tell me I’m not going to be this sad for the next 8-12 weeks? I can’t be. I’ve got three others counting on me to make Christmas special for them.

And an almost 6 year old who can’t wait for her birthday.

And an almost 4 year old that can’t wait for his.

But, I’m just so sad. That place in my heart where G belongs, it's a hole, and it's painfully large.

Everyone says this part of the wait is the hardest. They weren’t kidding.

Please pray that God helps me and S and G survive (quite literally) this wait. We need all the prayers we can get.

Thanksgiving Day Road Race

Frosty 34 degree temperatures didn't keep B and S from running in B's first ever road race... the Thanksgiving Day Road Race.

All 4.75 miles!

With 15,000 of their closest friends.

Go B!

Giving thanks today for healthy bodies.

When does it become reality?

When you write the first check.

When you notarize the first document.

When you see "You have been approved to adopt one child from the following convention country: China"

When you hear the phone ring.

When you see her face.

When you read "Your LOA has arrived" in the subject line of an email from your adoption agency.

When you say "I have four children"

When you paint a dresser.

When you glance in the back of your mini-van, see three kids, and actually panic because you thought you forgot someone, only to realize that the fourth isn't here yet.

When you sign a document written in Chinese that says her name and asks you "do you accept?"

Yes.

Yes.

We.

Do.

When you see her face.

When you start making packing lists.

When you buy bedding with pink ladybugs and purple butterflies.

When you purchase her FIRST pair of shoes.

When your children draw six stick people (2 big, 4 little) in their pictures of their family.

When you start purchasing things for the trip.

When you try on that long forgotten, never thought you would use again, baby carrier.

When you see her face.

.....to be continued

LOA!!!!!!!

Today we, unexpectedly, received our Letter of Acceptance (LOA) from China. Just 34 days after receiving our log-in date.... which is a whole lot faster than we thought it would take!

The LOA basically means the Chinese government fully translated and reviewed our 13 dossier documents and formally accepted our request to adopt Fu Xiao Yun (Grace!)

Our agency hopes that we will travel 11-16 weeks from now! That would mean travel sometime in February or early March.

But first we have to jump through several hoops with US immigration. Once we have successfully navigated US immigration, China will issue our travel authorization that basically says "OK, you can come now"... and then we'll go!

OK. I've got to stop blogging and get cracking on all this paperwork that has to be done by TOMORROW.

Grace, we are coming soon!!!!!

Growing Up

I spent an evening with a wonderful group of women last night.

Women that I have known longer than I've known most other people in my life (except for family of course).

We all sat there and gabbed as though we've seen each other every day for the last 17 years. Even though a few, I am quite certain, I haven't seen since I took off my cap and gown at high school graduation.

We laughed about things we did in 4th grade and 7th grade and prom (night) - yikes! The trouble we got in. The boys we kissed.

We also talked about kids, husbands, cleaning products, and kids tv shows.... because that is what us Mom's do.

I wasn't one that loved high school. Actually, I kind of hated it. As I drove to the gathering last night I wondered if those awful feelings of high school would come back. I'm thankful they didn't.... at all.

Then as I was sitting there chatting... it struck me, I realized how much I have in common with these women. They share my memories. The good, bad and ugly. And that's pretty cool.

And now, we have more in common than before. As I sat next to my friend who rocked her 9 month old to sleep next to me, I realized the extent of that motherhood bonds us women together.

As much as I pretend that I don't like getting older. Getting older isn't so bad. Because most of us grow up. We realize what's important in life. And we (hopefully) forget the bad and remember the good. Now we can share our life's journeys with open hearts and open minds.

So here's my lists of gratitudes today...

I'm so thankful I never have to go back to middle or high school. Yuck.

I'm thankful that I am 35 years old. Yup. I am.

I'm thankful for friends who have known me for 25 years+ years.

and I'm thankful for the bonds of motherhood.

Any advice for the parents?

While arguing with his siblings, a little three year old (not ours of course) stated very matter of factly...

"I am three, I can do WHATEVER I WANT!"

Umm. Yeah.

Houston, we have a problem.

Who me?

Big Giveaway Over at Ni Hao Y'all - and Hip Mom Jewelry helps another!

Stefanie over at Ni Hao Y'all is hosting a big 'ole giveaway this Christmas season! 30 Days of Giveaways!

Go check it out! Hope you win something! (click on the picture above)

Stefanie and her family are waiting on their LOA (just like us) for their 10th child (not like us). :)

Her blog is one of my favorites.

Also, Ann at Hip Mom Jewelry helped us raise $100 for our adoption, she's a woman with a heart for orphans and we are so grateful for her help! And now, she is helping our good friends with their adoption! So, if you missed the opportunity to buy a piece of jewelry from Hip Mom when we were fundraising... now you have a second chance to help another family bring home their daughter. Hop on over to their blog to check out the details. Happy Shopping Everyone!

Finally, did everyone notice we hit the 1/2 way mark on our puzzle fundraiser. YAHOO!!!!! Thanks everyone who has sponsored a piece of the puzzle!

Now... back to regularly scheduled programming...

Waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

We are 28 days into our wait for LOA.

Pass the popcorn.

1/2 way there!

We are in absolute awe of the generosity of all our friends who have sponsored puzzle pieces!!

We are SO close to getting to the half-way mark! 498 puzzle pieces sponsored! (The chip-in isn't completely accurate because people have given us cash that isn't recorded yet)

Thank you to every single one of you that has generously sponsored with $2, $4, $10, $20, $50 and even $100 donations!

If you are new to our blog, and don't know what I'm talking about... you can read here about our fundraiser! And please consider sponsoring a piece of the puzzle.

Other news...

Many have asked when we are going to travel. Our agency says it will probably be three to five months from now. Maybe March or April?

All I know for sure. Not soon enough.

We are on day 21 of our wait of LOA (Letter of Acceptance). But, honestly I don't expect to see this document for at least another month.

So, in the meantime... We've got a lot to keep us busy. Thanksgiving, two December birthdays (I know poor planning!), Christmas, painting and packing.

I'm tired already. But, I'm grateful for all these events because I'm quite sure I'd lose my mind otherwise.

The toy room

About a year ago, Steve and I sat and discussed all the reasons why NOT to adopt.

There were many. Some were actual legitimate worries/concerns that have to be VERY carefully weighed and discussed.

But, some... actually MOST were things like this...

"Where will we put the toys?"

You see, we have a "toy room". Stuffed to the gills with toys that are rarely played with. Usually, it's just a source of annoyance for me because it is ALWAYS a mess. I mean a "don't- walk-in-the-room-or-you-may-trip-and- sprain-your-ankle" mess.

Seriously, this was a REAL concern. I was afraid the mess would be all over my house.

It was an excuse really. And a really lame one at that.

This weekend, we are moving the boys into their NEW bedroom (x-toyroom). And, then we will start re-decorating their old room to make it fit for a one-year-old princess. Complete with pastels, flowers and ladybugs.

A little girl, our little girl, who now spends most of her day in a crib, will have a bedroom all of her own.

To think we seriously almost let a toy room stop us.

Hearts Melted

Love.

This.

Beautiful.

Girl.

Forever.

Boys, Barbies and Church

Not a good combination.

As a was singing my heart out at the very end of service today, I glanced down at my three year old boy.

He had been busy undressing the three barbies that had been toted to church today in our "church bag" for K to play with.

They were now wrestling.

And then kissing.

As a 12 year old boy in the pew behind us looked on. Giggling.

Church with three kids is HARD. If they aren't talking, they are fighting. If they aren't wiggling, they are laying down and yawning. They are raising and lower the kneeler. They are interrupting prayer. They are fighting over who is sitting where.

And if they ARE miraculously quiet...

They are undressing barbies.

Sigh.

Luckily, I was surrounded by loving friends/moms and dads that giggled along with me as I threw up my hands and said...

I give up.

One thing for sure... no more barbies in the church bag.

293 puzzle pieces sponsored!!! WOW!!!!

Thank you to everyone who has sponsored, one, two, five, ten, twenty or even fifty pieces! Each of you has made a HUGE difference in our life and the life of our little girl waiting for us in China.

We've got more puzzle pieces left!!!!!

Just $2 a piece. You don't have to sponsor 20, or even 10. We are grateful for every single one that is sponsored. One piece at at time and we will reach our goal of sponsoring all 1000 pieces.

So, please... if you haven't yet, please go up to the right hand corner of our blog, click the "Chip-in" button. You can use a credit card or debit card to sponsor a puzzle piece using Paypal. You do not need a Paypal account to use the chip-in button.

Read all about this unique fundraiser here for all the details and a chance to win a $200 gift card!

Thank you everyone!

October in New England

Hay Rides.

Pumpkins.

Fall Foliage.

Smiles.

Love.

183 pieces sponsored and more news!

183 puzzle pieces sponsored... 817 to go! WOW!!!!

We are SO thankful to everyone, near and far, that have sponsored a puzzle piece for Grace.

Now the challenge, we need to keep this momentum going somehow.

So, if you haven't sponsored a piece yet ($2 a piece)... please, please consider. (see this post for an explanation) Every $2 really adds up!

Or, if you haven't yet... please post our fundraiser on your facebook page or on your blog. You get an entry into the raffle for every post on FB or a blog!

Again, a HUGE thank you to everyone who has sponsored so far!

ALSO, BIG NEWS on the paperchase to Grace!!!

We received our Log-in Date (LID) today! LID is the day that our dossier is officially logged into the system in China. One more step closer to our little sweetie!

We were told that it might take 4 weeks to get logged-in, and that it could take up to 4 more weeks for China to notify our agency that it was logged-in. We were logged-in and notified in just TWO DAYS!

The next thing we are waiting for is for China to thoroughly review our dossier and then (hopefully) issue the Letter of Acceptance (LOA)... the official approval from China that we can adopt Grace.

I'm sort of feeling bad that others out there that I "talk" to in adoption-land have been waiting more than a month for their log-in date. I wish we all move together through this process.

While we've been told there is a method to this madness (whose paperwork gets processed first, second and when), it sure seems like it's just luck. And we're getting lucky.

China in January? February? or will it be March?

There are still a lot of steps that we could get stuck (for a month or more) so I'm trying not to get too excited.

Sponsor a Puzzle Piece - Sponsor Grace!

We're getting close... close to going to China! About a year faster than we anticipated. We're really NOT complaining. :)

A couple months ago, B and S spent hours putting together this 1000 piece puzzle....

It's a painting (puzzle) by a San Francisco artist. This particular puzzle is of Chinatown in SF.

As a unique and memorable fundraiser for our adoption... we are asking people to sponsor a puzzle piece (or 2... or 10.... or however many you want).

$2 a puzzle piece.

Perhaps you want to sponsor a piece for every member of your family?!

Every piece counts!

We will keep a journal with the puzzle and write down each and every name/family that sponsor's Grace. In the end, we will hang this puzzle in a prominent place in our home... as a reminder to us about all those that helped bring our daughter home. We will keep the journal for Grace, so she knows how many people loved her and helped bring her home.

After we have all 1000 pieces sponsored. We will randomly select one sponsor to win a $200 gift card to merchant of their choice (Target, Home Depot, Pottery Barn... you name it!).

So, please... go ahead and use the chip-in button on the top right of our blog to sponsor. This chip-in feature uses Paypal. However, you do not need a Paypal account.

Also, we don't know 1000 people... so we will need all our bloggy friends to help to get the word out about this fundraiser. If you post a link to our blog post on your blog or you post on facebook... we'll give you an extra entry into the raffle for the $200 gift card. Please, leave me a comment (or send me an email) if you post somewhere.

If you read here you'll understand why all this fundraising. And you'll understand how HARD it is for me to ask ANYTHING of ANYONE. But, this cutie is calling us... and we need to go get her. So, I'll stretch way beyond my comfort zone... for her....

Thank you everyone!!

Happy Birthday Grace!

On September 23rd we had a birthday celebration for our littlest...

Happy FIRST Birthday Grace!

How else do you celebrate the birthday of your Chinese daughter...

Dinner at our local Chinese food restaurant, of course!

I know General Tso's chicken probably isn't considered very authentic. In the future... perhaps I can try to get the chinese cook book out and try to make something that more closely resembles actual food that is consumed in China. But, we did the best we could. :)

Followed by singing happy birthday and cupcakes!!

We were happy to eat chinese food and cupcakes in honor of her. But, how I wish we were together to celebrate this milestone. I'm grateful that this will be the very last birthday she spends without her family. We look forward to many, many more birthday celebrations TOGETHER!

Our Daughter...

Finally....

We are SO EXCITED to introduce our precious daughter...

Grace Xiao Yun

Grace just turned one on September 23rd! We had a birthday celebration for her (birthday party blog post coming soon!) We think this picture of her was taken back in May or June.

Grace is waiting for us at the Jiaozuo City Welfare Institute, Henan Province.

We are very fortunate to have gotten our hands on a few other pictures of her that were taken a little bit later in the summer.

There are no words to express our absolute joy and love for our beautiful baby girl.

Some say she is "lucky" to have us. Actually, it's the other way around...

WE are beyond blessed to have her.

Even though we haven't yet held her in our arms... she has changed us in ways we never thought possible.

She is, most certainly, a perfect gift from God.

Some Would Gather...

Some would gather money

Along the path of life;

Some would gather roses,

And rest from worldly strife.

But I would gather children

From among the thorns of sin;

I would seek a golden curl,

And a freckled, toothless grin.

For money cannot enter

In that land of endless day;

And roses that are gathered

Soon will wilt along the way.

But, oh, the laughing children,

As I cross the sunset sea,

And the gates swing wide to heaven -

I can take them in with me.

-Author Unknown

(Carl Larsson)

DTC!!

DTC TODAY!

For all of you following that aren't living and breathing the China adoption process.

That means...

DOSSIER TO CHINA!

Remember this... (our dossier)....

Our adoption agency FINALLY mailed our dossier to China today! It's been sitting at our adoption agency for over a month, but because we received our referral (!) we had to make a few changes to it. Then China decided that they were going to go on holiday and the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) has been (and will be) closed for FIVE days. So, our adoption agency held onto it for a few extra days so the dossier could be hand-delivered by agency representatives in China as soon as the CCAA reopens Friday.

Now we wait. Again.

Yeah... what he said...

Below is an exert from a blog post by http://berzenji.blogspot.com/

I'm not blogging about this to judge others. Adoption isn't for everyone. I know that.

I just thought is was a good post about what drives me a wee bit crazy...

That people think WE are crazy.

You'll see what I mean...

"I see families go out and spend thousands of dollars on a new car... when they already have two fine cars.

I see families go out and spend more money on their home theaters than we spent on our first home!

I see families add extensions on to their homes, adding bedrooms for children they will never have.

I see families do all sorts of "crazy things" which for some reason seem culturally acceptable. In fact these things are deemed normal!

But adopting a child?

Well... that's just... CRAZY!

When did it become crazy to help a child?

When did it become crazy to open up your family to someone who is lost, and alone in this world without someone to love them?

When did WE become the crazies who decide to welcome a child into our lives instead of buying that new motor boat? big screen TV and sound system? BMW? etc..."

Yeah... what he said.