We're off!

Here we are in the Newark airport getting ready to board our almost 14 hour flight to Beijing.

We were up at 3:30 am this morning... after not sleeping much last night. S and I have spent more time alone together since 4:30 than we have in the last 8 years. I pretty sure we have already run out of things to talk about. :)

Saying goodbye to the kids last night was so hard. But, for such a good reason... so we will survive, and so will the kids. They are in very good hands.

OK. Signing off for now... "see" you on the other side of the world!

Here's the plan....

Wednesday, 2/16 - leave at some unheard hour for the airport

Thursday, 2/17 - arrive Beijing at 2:30 pm (that would be 1:30 am EST)

Friday , 2/18 - Tiananmen Square, Forbidden City, Hutong Tour

Saturday, 2/19 - Great Wall and the Ming Tombs

Sunday, 2/20 - fly to Zhengzhou, Henan Province

Monday, 2/21 - GOTCHA DAY!!!! We will meet Grace on Monday afternoon. We will sign guardianship paperwork, have Grace's passport photo taken and prepare a lot more paperwork

Tuesday, 2/22 - free day in Zhengzhou

Wednesday, 2/23 - travel to Jiaozuo (that is the city where Grace currently lives) and sign Adoption Registration papers - Grace will official be our daughter!

Thursday, 2/24 - prepare more papers

Friday, 2/25 - receive Grace's passport... fly to Guangzhou

Saturday, 2/26 - adoption physical and visa photos

Sunday, 2/27- prepare consulate appointment paperwork

Monday, 2/28 - US Consulate appointment - take the oath

Tuesday, 3/1 - free day in Guangzhou (wait as Consulate prepares Grace's visa)

Wednesday, 3/2 - receive Grace's visa

Thursday - FLY HOME!!!!

HOPEFULLY... I will blogging all along the way. So, check in frequently... and leave us words of encouragement! Because, there is no doubt, we will need it!

2 days

I could list to you all the things that I've been doing in the last several days. But, that would be pretty boring. Let's just say... details, details and details... and more trips to Target than, even I, would like.

The kids are excited. Believe it or not. Time spent with Grandma and Grandpa, sleep-overs at Auntie's house. Seems like a good time to them! K and D don't really understand the concept of time, so until they are living through it, I don't think they will understand how long we will be gone. And that is a good thing.

As for me. I'm sleeping ok. My stomach is not too happy. But, I guess that is to be expected. I'm DREADING tomorrow evening and putting my three loves to bed and saying goodbye.

But, at the same time, I can't stop staring at pictures of Grace, who seems to be SCREAMING at me through pictures to come and get her. So, as God has called me... I will GO.

I have no idea what lies ahead for us over the next several weeks. I expect it will be everything and nothing like we imagined. I expect it will be filled with emotions we have never felt before... perhaps good and bad. I expect that we will get sick of Chinese food. I expect I will experience the meaning of the word "tired" like never before. I expect that everything I expect will probably be dead wrong.

I look forward to spending the next 15 days with an incredible man, my dear husband, by my side. Who sees things through rose color glasses all. the. time. He is SO good for me.

As I set off for another day of crossing off the last remaining things on my "to-do" list... I thank God for setting us on this journey and providing for us in EVERY way.

Nothing SWEETER than a sleeping baby

Oh

My

Goodness

Be still my heart.

9 days until we can meet this beautiful gift from God.

Showered with love

I'm a little delayed posting about this event! I've been busy with a list of things to do that is a mile long and seems to just to get longer.

In one week... we will be on our way to Beijing.

A few weeks ago, my very best friend had a beautiful baby shower for me (and Grace) with a few of my close friends and family.

It was just perfect. In every way. My best friend knows me better than I know myself. She knows exactly what I would like. And what I need. A few weeks ago... before we received our TA.... I needed something like this. I needed for my friends and family to shower me and Grace with love. It was a difficult time. I could write a long post about that time... but for another day.

She (with love and support from other friends and family) showed love in every little detail.





Pink lady bugs everywhere. Pink gift bags. And teeny tiny pink clothes.


We are truly blessed with the support we have received from friends and family this past year.

And as for my best friend... I don't deserve her. She pulled me through (again) a most difficult time. She held me up as a was falling. And she showered me and Grace with love right when I needed it most. I am so very thankful for her.

There is a crib in our house.

Gulp.

Oh and all that stuff on the floor...

That's my packing pile. It's actually more organized than it looks.

OK. Maybe not.

11 days.

Random thoughts with 14 days to go

• I'm tired of this snow
• It better stop by February 16th
• I better not miss the Great Wall of China because of snow
• I know that is not why we are going to China
• but still
• My husband's arms hurt from raking our roof
• for four hours
• and it's snowing again
• today
• how am I going to fit all our stuff in two suitcases
• that is NOT possible
• do I really need to bring all this over the counter pharmacy stuff
• Yes
• my parent's are in San Francisco
• It's 65 degrees there
• I hope they come home
• I might not if I were them
• I'm going to have four kids
• but I only have two hands
• and one bathroom
• maybe I can put a chip-in button on our blog to raise money for a toilet?
• I do have 30 followers and all
• I know there are more out there... they just need to come out of hiding
• I might lose some after this post though
• my arm still hurts from the tetanus shot I got last week
• I now have more empathy for my kids when they have vaccines
• D was supposed to have four TODAY
• appointment cancelled
• cause it's snowing
• did I mention that already?
• Leaving these three kiddos is going to be SO hard
• I'm not sure how I'm going to do it
• Grace's room is not done
• It's not going to be done
• oh well
• it's pink though
• believe it or not... I'm going to miss work when I am out for 12 weeks
• I love my work
• my kids are falling apart a bit
• B cried for 45 minutes the other night for very silly reasons
• D seems to have forgotten how to use the bathroom
• My Miss K is going to be very, very sad
• are we crazy?
• perhaps
• I'm pretty sure everyone has stopped reading this by now because it's really dumb
• I can't focus for more than one minute to write anything of more substance
• do I have to clean my closets before my parents come to stay here for two weeks?
• too bad... they are going to see my messy closets
• and basement
• and furnace room
• People ask me what Grace is eating
• Sadly... we don't really know the answer to this question
• It's amazing how LITTLE we know about her
• that's scary
• this is all pretty scary
• just a couple more weeks and she will no longer be an orphan
• she will have
• a Mom
• a Dad
• two brothers
• and a sister
• Grandparents
• Aunts
• Uncles
• Cousins
• a Family
• The end

Little busy

Hard to believe that in three weeks we will be in Zhengzhou.

In three weeks, we will be just one day from meeting our beautiful daughter.

In three weeks, our daughter will be an orphan just one more day.

Between now and then...

We've got a little packing to do.

And a whole lot of planning for childcare for B, K and D!

For the 16 days that we are away we are testing the "it takes a village" philosophy.

Primary caregivers will be my parents who will stay at our house with the kids on the weekdays. On the weekends, the kids will stay with my in-laws.

I have friends that are helping out mid-week to give my parents a break. I have friends providing after-school childcare and friends doing pick-up and drop-offs. I have friends that have volunteered to make sure our driveway gets cleared if it snows. I have friends that are allowing us to use a spot in their driveway to park S's car... so there is room in my driveway for other cars. And the list goes on and on... We are feeling so blessed to have so many supportive friends and family without whom this would all be impossible.

I have contact lists to make for schools. And asthma treatment instructions to make. I have doctor's appointment to make. And doctor's appointment to cancel.

OH and I have to go to work. And Steve has to work TWO jobs.

Meanwhile, life goes on for the three kiddos.... cub scouts, daisies, basketball, birthday parties and school projects.

Needless to say... it's a little busy.

But, so amazingly good.

Dates!

I've got so much to update on here... like all about my super fabulous baby shower that my friends and family had for me (and Grace) on Saturday!!! And pictures of all kinds of cute girlie girl stuff. But, I just haven't had time yet...

So, for now, a quick update...

We have a consulate appointment - February 28th.

We will be leaving on February 16th and will arrive in Beijing the afternoon of February 17th. We will be coming home on March 4th.

Still to be determined is when we will meet Grace. I believe it will be Monday, February 21st, but that's not definite yet.

OK. I'm off to tackle my list of one hundred things to do today on my day off.

It's busy... but it's SO GOOD!!

TWO LETTERS!!!

We were given two options for possible travel dates... on or about February 16th or on or about February 23rd. We will wait to hear from our agency to confirm our consulate appointment and then be able to book our travel.

Yes... that could be as little as three weeks and two days away!

WAHOO!!!!!

WE ARE COMING GRACE!!!!!

No TA yet

I've got nothing to say...

Except this really stinks.

That would be an understatement.

I keep trying to look at the bright side but I can't seem to find anything bright about it.

Rumor has it that the Consulate Appointments in Guangzhou are all filled up for February. So, if even if we got our TA today, we will have to have a March consulate appointment. Which means LATE February travel.

That really stinks.

That is also an understatment.

The weekday routine that I'd like to see change

Starting at about 11 am every day, and then every minute that goes by thereafter, my stomach knots up just a bit more. As the day passes, I get to the point of not being able to eat and feeling rather pukey.

And if you can't tell by the chubby pictures of me... not being able to eat, isn't something that happens often.

I check my email every 5 minutes. all. afternoon. long. If my phone buzzes at me that I have a new email... my heart skips a beat. I rush over to check and then I swear at the person that dare send an email at 4:30. I mean don't they know what I'm going through here? ... how dare they tease me. :)

At about 6:30, I give up hope. The queasiness in my stomach turns to a lump in my throat and a feeling of sadness overcomes... and then I go eat some chocolate.

My stomach says... "now that's more like it!"

I go to bed, praying tomorrow will be the day.

I know this routine well now because it has happened every weekday for the past 6.

And I have to admit, it's getting rather old.

Come on Monday, let's break the cycle. TA today?!?! Please?!?!

Shovel while you wait

Nothing Monday. Nothing Tuesday. Nothing Wednesday.

Tomorrow will be 14 days since our Article 5.

Really China... you can send our TA anytime now.

Because I am beginning to think I might not survive this wait.

At least today I was distracted for SIX hours as we shoveled. and shoveled. and shoveled. and then shoveled some more... the almost two feet of snow we got here today.

Wow. This was a snow storm. I've lived in New England my whole life and I have never seen so much snow. We have nine foot snow piles that line our driveway. Crazy.

The kids were happy. Although D really couldn't even walk in it, neither could K.

Climbing the snow piles was the order of the day. And they are pretty amazing snow piles. These pictures really don't seem to do it justice. This snow storm will be one that our kids will remember and say "I remember when it used to snow so much it was up to our waist".... because it REALLY was up to their waist. Actually, in D's case, it was up to his shoulders.

We're buried in, in New England!

When does it become reality - continued...

... from here.

When you buy a size 12 month purple polka dot coat.

When you paint a room pink.

When you buy a jumbo box of size 3 DIAPERS.

When you clip coupons for gerber graduates.

We you paint a room pink.

When you say "we're going to China next month"...

NEXT MONTH!

When little girls' clothes hang in the closet waiting to be worn.

When you see her face.

Waiting for Monday... again

I'm disappointed. Because I was HOPING. But I shouldn't have been.

It's only been 8 days since our Article 5. Average wait for Travel Authorization is about 20 days. So I really shouldn't have been hoping something would come today.

But, when you've come this far... and you are so darn close... you just can't help it.

So, here we are again... waiting for Monday. Because travel authorizations don't come on the weekends.

BUT, they DO come on Mondays!

It's going to be a LONG weekend.

PS. oh... there's no guarantee it will come Monday either. But, here's hoping!

Preparing

When we started this journey (officially) 10 months ago.... every night I would watch "Gotcha Day" videos on YouTube. I have watched countless videos of children meeting their parents for the first time.

As we get closer and closer to our very own Gotcha Day, I have stopped watching anything related to anyone's Gotcha Day. They are just TOO PAINFUL to watch. I can't help but see our G in the videos... and I see pain. And fear. And heartbreak.

And it hurts to watch.

We can't wait to see our little girl's face in person. We can't wait to scoop her up and hold her. To see our family grow in just an instant. To call her our own. To wrap in her love... love she has never known, the love of a mother and a father.

The feelings of joy and happiness that S and I feel will not be shared by our daughter. She is probably pretty happy right where she is. She probably likes her crib. Her room. Her nannies. Her friends. Her food. And while every child deserves so much more than growing up in an orphanage. It is the ONLY life she has ever known.

Then, here come these two Americans. They look funny, talk funny and smell funny.

It's painful to think about how afraid, confused and heartbroken she will likely be. Even if she is prepared at all, she is really too young to understand.

I've had dreams about Gotcha Day. I've seen her face through a window as we enter a government building. I have heard the facilitators say her name. I have have seen her handed to me. In every dream she is crying. And so am I. She looks away. She screams. She reaches for her nanny. And I cry. Because she hurts so much.

A mother doesn't EVER want her child feeling ANY of these feelings. While there may be many tears of joy, I am sure I am going to share tears of heartbreak with her.

How does one handle such a crazy convergence of emotions?

I'm thinking I might just want to hand her back.... because it will ease her pain for the moment. I know. I KNOW that sounds crazy! But, what a mother wouldn't do to ease their child's pain even if just for a moment.

I'm not sure how to even prepare for this. I can prepare to have a baby again. Packing diapers and bottles, toys and treats. I can be prepared for illness. I can be prepared for sleepless nights and changing stinky diapers.

All of that is easy.

I cannot seem to figure out how to be prepared for heartbreak.

I pray God will see us through. He has led us this far. He has moved mountains for G to become a part of our family. So, I must trust in Him. I pray that God helps to prepare our little G for the two (actually five) strangers that will come into her life and turn it upside down. I also pray that He will prepare this mother to help her daughter heal from the pain that IS adoption. On Gotcha Day. During our two weeks in China. The first few weeks home. And on ALL the days in our future.

Article 5!!

Don't ask me what Article 5 actually is. Because I don't know.

I do know, it is the LAST piece of paper that needs to be processed by the US government.

I do know, it the last piece of paper the Chinese government needs before they issue travel authorization.

I do know that means we have...

ONE.

LAST.

WAIT.

then... Travel Authorization.

We should have our TA in our hands in 2-4 weeks. Which means we are on schedule to travel right after Chinese New Year. Even if we get the TA in 2 weeks (or less), for various reasons, we will have to wait until after Chinese New Year to travel.

So, we expect that we will travel mid-February. Hopefully we don't have any bumps in the road between now and then.

Almost there!

Four fast years

Hard to believe that our little D (and I do mean little) turned 4 yesterday.

FOUR!

He's might be small in size. But, he's got a huge heart and even bigger smile.

He makes us laugh every day. Many, many times a day. He is such a funny little guy with a great sense of humor.

This year, I'll admit... he has tested our patience. And our parenting skills. As sweet as he is... when he is hungry or tired, he loses himself completely. This boy has thrown more temper tantrums that the other two combined multiplied by 3. There were days in his early threes, that he would throw himself on the floor screaming MULTIPLE times a day. I'm thankful that it seems we have survived this stage.

He's growing up. And he is so darn sweet.

Balloons greeted him when he woke up. Balloons on his bedroom floor, balloons decorating his bedroom door and even a balloon on a box of Fruit Loops for breakfast. Yes, Fruit Loops. It was his birthday and all.

In our house, when it's your birthday you get to choose your favorite meal for dinner. So, for dinner...

Chicken nuggets, french fries, milk and ketchup. :)

I know you all wish you came to our house for dinner last night!

We were all hoping he would ask for the homemade chocolate cake for dessert.

No such luck. He wanted funfetti white cake from the box, with chocolate frosting from the can. With some sprinkles. And his name written on the cake.

So, that's what we had.

A sleeping bag. An etch-a-stetch. And some bath crayons = Happy 4 year old.

Grandma and Grandpa came for the party. They added a boat for the bathtub he has been asking for.

and a TRAMPOLINE! Just the thing to expend a little four year old energy.

Happy Four D!

We love you!

What's wrong with these pictures?

Oh my. So cute.

I love this little guy.

More on his BIG DAY later.

Mom is so cool

Update on sledding: The untold story.

The kids weren't satisfied with the little hill in our backyard. They begged to be taken to the "BIG HILL" down the street.

So, the three kids and I, looking a bit like Michelin men, packed up our sleds and drove to the "BIG HILL".

As anyone who has ever gone sledding knows, the worst part of sledding... Not the bitter cold. The howling wind. The snow in the mittens. And face.

The worst part of sledding... is the walk back up the hill. Over and over again.

My little D can't do it alone, he needs a hand to hold so he doesn't fall face first in the snow 8 million times. So, each time D went down the hill, I had to go too.

One time, K and D went together on the double sled. I took the tube and headed down behind them. Cause, you know, D can't climb back up the hill alone.

Tubes don't steer very well. As all (let's say 110 for fun)... As all 110 lbs of me came barreling down the hill, I realized I was about to take out both of my younger children waiting for me at the bottom. Because Mom's would do anything to save their children from a snow tube disaster and probable death, I stuck my arm/hand in the snow in an attempt to stop me and the tube from crashing into my two littles waiting at the bottom.

I jammed my arm/hand into the ground, made a fantastic 360 degree flip in the air and landed, with much grace, on my backside.

I am sure Shaun White would have been impressed.

OUCH.

B's reaction...

"Mom that was SO COOL!!!! You totally WIPED OUT and FLIPPED OVER!"

Yeah. I did. I'm cool like that.

Now, can I have some ice for my swollen wrist... and perhaps some tylenol too?